Bullseye

Upon entering fatherhood, little did I know of a problem that afflicts thousands of fathers all over the world. Since this is an open forum, I've decided to get a little serious here and discuss my experience with this issue. Here goes.

I am routinely kicked in the balls.

I know, I know. It's hard to imagine, but it's true. Vincent is at the perfect height where in any number of circumstances, his feet are directly facing my groin and more often than not, the two meet.

Now, I don't want you to think that he's pulling an America's Funniest Home Videos and running across the room to give me a shot. Rather, it happens unintentionally. He could be sitting in a cart that I'm pushing at the grocery store and he decides to nonchalantly swing his legs out and POW! Or I could be picking him up to carry him somewhere when he's sleepy and OOF! Foot to nuts. Maybe I'm laying next to him watching TV and he turns the wrong way without warning and PHOO! Daddy's got himself some tummy pain to deal with for a few minutes.

It's happened a few times that I actually flinch and get odd looks from passersby if we're in public. Most of the time though, I just grin and bear it. I'm that used to it.

I didn't used to be. I think I could count the times I've endured testitrauma on one hand before my sons came along. There was the time in 3rd grade when the soccer coach's daughter was...let's say 2 feet from me and decided to give it all she could. Or the time I was riding my bike when I was 8 and hit a bump. A big bump.

Good times.

I guess there's not much that can be done. I just have to tough it out. Vincent's only getting bigger and more powerful. And Peter's nearing the height where he'll soon approach the danger zone with relative ease. I could wear a cup but that would be sacrificing comfort just for the occasional deflection. Not worth it. We'll stick with it just being an occupational hazard. Par for the course. Comes with the territory. Insert cliche here.

So if you see me over the next few years and I'm making an unusual face, you'll know the deal. And please don't buy the boys any boots.

Now I feel better. Thank you.