8/25/08

Our Descent into Chaos or Bedtime!



Tonight was a doozy.

I've got bedtime duty for both boys on Monday and Wednesday nights so Rose can work. Most nights, it works out great. I set Vincent up with his Nick Jr. or Playhouse Disney computer games, which occupy him unfailingly for the 10 minutes it takes for me to put Pete to bed.

It didn't work out so well tonight. Vincent was incredibly tired after a long afternoon with Mom-Mom so he wanted to go to bed when Peter did. I told him that would be fine if he laid in his bed quietly while I gave Peter his bottle and held him briefly, per his routine. It was clear from the start that this wasn't going to fly. Vincent wanted full attention and asked if it would take "longer than one minute" to put Pete down.

Well, we tried and after a minute or so (hey - at least he's true to his word) he hopped out of bed and buzzed around the rocking chair, trying to get me to put Peter down as I got increasingly upset. I tried everything from, "Mommy will be so mad when she hears about this," to "I'm going to count to three. One. Two. Two and a half..." You know - the techniques you hear your parents say that you don't ever think you'll use...until the desperation is so intense you can't think of anything else. It's all just rote.

No luck. So you can see where this is headed.

That's right. I yelled. And it wasn't your standard yell. It was more like a roar. I don't even remember what I said. Probably something to the effect of "GO. TO. BED!!!" OR "STOP IT!" but to Vincent and poor innocent Peter, it sounded like, "BLAAARRGGAAAAHHHHHHAAARRRRR!!!!!"

And that did it. Vincent erupted into tears saying, "You're scaring me!" Peter erupted into tears, in my arms, in a complete state of shock as if to say, "What the hell did I do to deserve this?! I'm just trying to go to sleep!"

And I felt like complete shit. Everything broke down into chaos. The bedtime process was a failure. We all went downstairs and sat on the couch for a minute to regroup. Vincent all puffy eyed and questioning. Peter all puffy eyed and 75% asleep/terrified. Me sweating bullets planning my next move. After a minute or two I just thought to myself, "Just embrace this moment, go with the flow and we'll see what happens. Try to be zen."

Cut ahead 45 seconds to the rocking chair, me holding Peter, with Vincent sitting on my other arm, hovering over us, like a silent eagle waiting for the moment when I'd put Peter in his crib, giving him his father to himself so he could go to bed.

It's failures like this that show me what I still have to learn and that parenting is an ongoing process. Just when you've got it all figured out something changes, rendering you reliant on your instincts, both good and bad.

I can sum it up with the one line Vincent said while we were taking our brief respite downstairs, "I want Mommy to put us to bed."

2 comments:

Kevin Regan said...

A little whiskey buddy! For you, for them, for everyone.

Jim said...

I think 2 beers did the trick.

For me.