Grocery List

Since about a year old, Vincent has struggled with weight. He's struggled to keep it on. He was born small and is just, flat-out, a lean kid. Couple that with his inherited inability to ever really relax (Sorry, buddy.), and some picky eating habits and you have a child that's consistently in the lowest depths of the percentile sea.

A quick note on "the chart" that these percentiles are measured from. It's about 30 years out of date. It supposedly was created from data collected between 1950 and 1979 in one small area in the United States. Now, you want me to believe that every kid after that, in every state, county and township in this country falls somewhere between 1 and 100 on that scale, all these years later?

I only sound bitter because we've been through the weight issue with 2 different pediatricians and a nutritionist. All have been well meaning but now it's getting to the point in his life where the doctors want Vincent to show considerable weight gain or we're headed to gastroville, which we don't want. He's a phenomenally intelligent and charming child and we know deep down that he's healthy but the doctors want us to prove to them that he can gain weight. Weird, right? We're incredibly aware of his eating habits and know the right things to give Vincent but as of today, we're officially in OPERATION FAT CELLS, 2007. Today the nutritionist gave us a month until the next check up to really load him up. So directly following the appointment, Rosalie headed to the greatest store ever, Trader Joe's, to supplement our already fat-heavy stash of foods. Listed below is our grocery list in its entirety.

Extra virgin olive oil (a staple in every healthy household)

Organic strawberry lemonade (for Mommy & Daddy when beer or water isn't an option. So that means, I'll never drink it.)

Joe's Kids lemonade boxes (for the beach)

Pasta (loaded with butter and cheese, of course)

Gorgonzola Gnocchi (Now we're getting to it. He loves stinky cheeses and he loves pasta. Why not combine 'em?!)

Macadamia Nuts (23 G OF FAT IN 1/4 CUP!!! Why didn't we think of this before!?)

Cooked, natural bacon

Blueberry ice cream (He loves fruit, so why not combine it with TONS OF CREAM?)

Vanilla almond granola bars

1 pint, heavy cream (for mixing with milk, yogurt or just chugging after a workout)

Swiss almond crunch cookies

Cool mint chip & chocolate brownie kids clif bars (lots o' calories, no preservatives)

Trail mix

chocolate peanut butter cups (I mean, who doesn't like peanut butter cups?)

Hash browns, frozen

white cheddar popcorn (surprisingly high in calories)

Garlic (We can't have vampires trying to sabotage Operation Fat Cells)

Hawaiian BBQ Potato chips (Am I reading this correctly? I didn't see these. Wait a second - I'm going to the cabinet....)

Sharp provolone (stinky and delicious)

Boursin w/ garlic & herbs (If the kid's not lactose intolerant now...)

Hummus (Another staple. He loves it.)

Power Muffins (You read that correctly.)

English muffins

So there you have it. Good thing Daddy got paid today. More to come later... Wish us luck! By the way, we're almost positive Peter will not face similar issues. They'll be making new charts that stretch into the 140th percentile for this guy.