Five

The big man turned five yesterday. Five. years. old. We always heard the cliche about how fast it goes but man - that's no joke. We've been parents for 5 years. There's something official about the number five. Half a decade. This is serious here, people.

I'll post photos from his birthday weekend soon, but I just had to stop from the tornado that is life for a minute and think about this. Five.

Vincent is five.

Happy birthday, big kid.

The Auntie Kate Conversations

I love it when I get unsolicited content. My sister Kate sent this my way recently. The boys were with my Mom and decided to call Auntie Kate. She then transcribed the conversations and sent them to me not knowing that doing so would get her published. You have to love it when kids get on the phone.

Call #1:
Auntie Kate: Hello?
Vincent: Hi.
Auntie Kate: Hey buddy! What are you doing?
V: Auntie Kate, I need you to call...can you call...the um, mouse...the....(pause to consult with Mom-Mom)...the Mole Protector?
AK: The Mole Protector?
V: Yeah, we have a mole mystery and we need you to call the mole protector.
AK: Ok!
V: Ok, bye.
Click

Call #2:
AK: Hello?
V: Hi.
AK: What’s up?
V: Auntie Kate, can you call Scooby Doo and the Gang?
AK: Sure.
V: and Super Why?
AK: Sure.
V: We’ve got some more mysteries to solve.
AK: Oh. Got it.
V: Guess what I had for breakfast
AK: What?
V: Orange juice, and soup!
AK: Soup isn’t breakfast!
Click

Call #3
AK: Hello?
Pete: Hi Auntie Kate!!!!!
AK: Hey Pete! How’s it going?
P: What are you doin’ at work?
AK: I’m typing. What are you doing at Mom Mom’s?
P: I was a bad boy.
AK: You were being a bad boy?
P: Yeah!
AK: Why?
P: I were throwing orange juice out all over the place
AK: You poured your orange juice out on purpose? Yeah, you shouldn’t do that.
P: How’s Kyle doin?
AK: He’s good, he’s at home.
P: Why?
AK: Because he doesn’t have to go to work yet
P: Kay. What are you doin’ at work?
AK: I’m typing
Crinkle crinkle beep beep Mom mom in background
Vincent again: Auntie Kate?
AK: Yeah buddy?
V: Can you also call the Incredibles?
AK: You got it
V: K
click

Citrus

Tell me. What is it about sour citrus fruits that kids love? Is it just my kids? They love lemons and limes. Both of them. We go to a restaurant and have to order a few extra at the beginning of the meal. That's really the only time they get them or else Dr. Jeff the Dentist will give us The Enamel Lecture.

Friends with kids - do you have little sour addicts, too?

Soccer Kid

*It’s not easy to decipher which one he is in the photos. Just look for one of the smaller kids with the gray long-sleeve under the black t-shirt.
Another season, another first. The big man started a 7-week soccer intro program last week. Quite honestly, it was at the encouragement of Chief since soccer has never been something I was enthusiastic about. I played for one year when I was about 10. Our team went 1-11 for a tyrannical, Napoleonic Greek coach who's daughter kicked the ball so hard she nearly she put me out of commission with a shot to the mid-section. So yeah, I was more of a baseball kid.

When it comes to my kids though, I'll go with the flow. And after a little bit of reassurance, Vincent jumped in headfirst. The program itself is pretty great. Coached by two really young British kids (one English and properly fauxhawked, one Scottish), the group learns about soccer and the context of soccer through games and basic exercises. It wasn't the pure chaos of other youth soccer programs nor was it a competitive atmosphere. It was based on fun. At one point, the coaches were teaching the kids how to plead to a referee not to give them a red card. No joke. So yeah - a little about the real context of soccer, which I'm totally ok with.

He really seemed to enjoy it, which showed me a lot. For as apprehensive as he's been with change so far in his life (...wonder where he gets that...), he rolled right along with this. I was fully prepared to have to nudge him every Saturday morning but I doubt I'll have to. Maybe it was my nervousness that he'd have to play for an overlord with a testicle-seeking footed daughter.

Nope. All fun and games. Soccer - my new favorite sport.

Words of the Week

Our bedtime routine underwent some changes once Peter got his big boy bed. Remember, their beds are pushed together. After books, I tuck both of them in, then lay with Pete for a few minutes, make up songs, help him turn his brain off until he's ready to konk. From there, I crawl over to Vincent's bed, let him scratch my arm (a longtime comfort mechanism of his), while stretching to hold Pete's hand with my free extremity. If you could have a photo of it, I would look ridiculous.

Lately, Vincent hasn't needed much help getting to sleep. After nearly five years of difficulty, the combination of Peter in the room and the routine beginning with Peter, thus forcing him to wait, has allowed him to figure out how to put himself to sleep. As great as this feat is, he doesn't much care for it. He wants the time to armscratch while still awake. Which leads us to this week's words.

Last night, the books were done, the light was out, the tucking was finishing and I said, "Okay Vincent, I'll be over in five minutes but you'll probably already be asleep." To which he replied in that quiet whine of an exhausted kid,

"I don't want me to be!"

Truck Accident

A couple of weeks back, we attended our local Touch a Truck event. You may remember (or you may not) me writing about this a couple of years back. I went on a tirade about clowns. Still hate 'em, by the way. So the gist of Touch a Truck is this - tons of local civil service, construction and labor companies park their coolest trucks in a giant municipal lot and kids can climb all over them. It's great, cheap fun. No, I'm not writing about this as an excuse to show you awesome photos. I'm writing about it because it directly relates to one of the great early traumas in Pete's life.

The night he got his penis caught in a truck.

No, not a real truck thankfully. A toy truck. Here's the deal. It was about 7:30 PM and he was playing with his toys, naked. This isn't an uncommon occurrence. The boys take baths and like that time to prance around freely before being confined in their PJs. I mean, who wouldn't? This is the time before they learn self-consciousness so it's our job as parents to encourage behavior like this.

So he's playing with his trucks, naked, in a corner facing the fireplace. I can only see the back of him from across the room. Suddenly I hear an odd sound and I turn to see a pretty wicked pre-cry. You know, like a "JESUS CHRIST WHAT DID I JUST DO?" moment before the pain strikes? This was the moment he realized that a small portion of his penis had gotten stuck around the tire of one of his small, motorized toy trucks.

Then the screaming starts and I run over to see what the deal is. The issue is immediately apparent and I quickly decide to remove him from the cramped area and into a more suitable operating environment. Upon laying him down on the couch, I'm trying to figure out how to deal with this. Pete's screaming, Vincent's hovering, Rose is trying her best to help but I'm freaking out as much as Pete is. Empathy and all. After about 30 seconds that felt like 30 days, I wound the wheel back, releasing the tiny imprisoned piece of Pete's boyhood. The relief in the room was palpable and after a bit of ice, he was a new man. No blood or permanent damage. The kid's got one tough...erm...situation.

There's no moral here other than the obvious one - don't get your motorized toys near your penis. Even today, the kid remembers it well. He raced a little car across the kitchen floor saying, "Watch out, Daddy. You don't want it to get your peesh."

Lessons learned.

Words of the Week

New feature on Da Milk - funny verbal tidbits from the past week (or so. Yeah - sorry for the delay). It's our version of Kids Say the Darndest Things.

Vincent started his new school this week and it being a parochial school, he was introduced to the concept of holy water - something that could be confusing to the newcomer.

Upon telling my Mom about his first day, one of the first things he mentioned was this phenomenon:

"Mom-Mom (smiling)! They gave me God water!"

Refreshing God Water. You know, we should think about marketing that.