Tooth & Consequences

Below is our account of Vincent's first trip to the dentist, in journal form.

8:30 a.m.: Arrival.

8:32 a.m.: We sign in and get the lay of the land. I wish dentist offices were like this when I was a kid. Photos of Disney movies on the wall. Nice ladies behind the desk.

8:34 a.m.: WE FIND THE ARCADE! Ok, so I was more excited about this than Vincent since it had a few 80s classics but it's still cool that it was even there.

8:35 a.m.: Giant TV is playing Barnyard. Raised, curved play area to sit on and jump from is discovered in front of the giant TV. More Disney posters and photos framed all over the place.

8:38 a.m.: We meet a 2 year old there for her first visit. She watches Peter intently. He's crawling and walking (while holding our hands) and emoting. Vincent is going back and forth from one Disney poster to the next, naming all the characters he knows, which is all of them.

8:44 a.m.: They call our name for a consult with "Dr. Joey." (I'll hide his real name.)

8:45: Dr Joey is pretty ok. Asks for a hi-five (from Vincent), reads our completed form and is slightly thrown by our mention of his fear of gloves. "Fear of gloves, huh?" "Yes."

Let me explain that Vincent has had a lifelong fear of gloves. Mostly of the medical professional and food preparation variety. We think it stems from his getting blood taken when he was about 14 mos. old. Nothing traumatic happened per se other that the fact that that process is probably pretty traumatic in and of itself to a 14 month old. Ever since then, gloves have been kind of a thing. He knows they're all over the place but doesn't want anyone to come near him with them. Winter gloves are ok - fyi.

8:49: We get called into the hygienist's room. Only one parent is allowed in with him and he chooses me. I'm as nervous as he is. He's offered the option of sitting in the chair by himself or sitting on Daddy's lap in the chair. Stupid question, hygienist.

8:51: The first appearance of gloves. We had previously discussed this in preparation for this very moment and even made the office aware but hey - they have to test the waters. It is public health we're talking about here.

Vincent loses it.

He's crying, mildly shaking and yelling, "I DON'T LIKE THEM! I DON'T LIKE THEM." He turns to me and yells the same thing as if to say, "WE DISCUSSED THIS! YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO TELL THEM ABOUT THE DAMNED GLOVES! YOU DROPPED THE BALL, DAD!"

8:53: I ask for five minutes. The (very nice and patient) hygienist leaves and I begin to discuss with Vincent why they need to wear them and that I didn't think they would take them off. I pick one up and show him, let him hold it, tell him it's like a "crazy balloon" (I know, seriously Jim?) and try to help him calm down.

8:57: She's back with a blue glove. She tries to make it fun. He won't have it.

8:58: The gloves come off for good. For now.

8:59 - 9:15: The appointment moves on really smoothly. The hygienist has a great way with kids and has obviously done this once or twice before. I do my best to stay out of the way - while still sitting in the chair with Vincent on my lap.

9:17: He's all done his cleaning, has chosen his prize (a Spongebob tattoo!), picked a toothbrush (Eeyore) and is now listening to the hygienist read a book. This woman is good. My son is truly brave. He fought through a major fear this morning.

9:23: Dr. Joey comes in for the final check. He's gloved. I overhear the hygienest say to him, "The glove thing is real and it's intense." Dr. Joey gets cocky and thinks he'll be fine.

9:24: I DON'T LIKE THEM!!!!!!

9:25: Dr. Joey takes off the gloves.

9:29: Vincent and I walk out the door with a clean bill of dental health. He sees Mommy and Peter and acts like everything was cool. No mention of gloves. I'm kind of sweating.

All in all it was successful. I was worried that he wouldn't even let anyone touch his mouth. Who knew that that would be the easiest part? I think this glove thing should wear off soon, right? RIGHT?

I actually booked an appointment for myself next week. I wanna play some free Ms. Pac Man.

Ed. note: Rosalie gets full credit for the punny title.